Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
