Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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