I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
