weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
