Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
