Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
