Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
