The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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