a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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