I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
