Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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