Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
tell me about the fingering
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