I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
