Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
