So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We need to get me chipped asap
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
