How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
