Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
