I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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