you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
