ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
