So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i love accidental penises.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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