When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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