i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
