Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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