I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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