Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
