Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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