I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
