There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
