can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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