Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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