he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's the barista slut.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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