If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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