He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
