I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
