I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
