if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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