i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The power of my boobs compel you
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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