I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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