So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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