Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
