I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
