i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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