Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
