you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
