I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
