Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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