Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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