Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
