im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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