Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
