Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
