I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am one with the molecules
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
