"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
