This is not my ceiling
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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