There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
do herpes really smell.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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