I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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