I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
